Mel's story: I come from what they call a 'dysfunctional family' and grew up with old time country music
where everything is about love gone wrong. To me that was life in a nutshell.
Along the way, I got the idea unless you were madly in love with someone then that's not real love
so ditch her and find a new one. Looking back I can't believe I was so stupid but I really believed that.
A few marriages later, I finally married a very kind and patient woman who knew about my string of
divorces but took me on anyway.
About a year into the marriage (like all the others) I suddenly felt depressed
and hopeless because I no longer felt "in love" with my new wife. Actually I knew I loved her but more like a friend and hey
that's not love or so I thought. Real love was crazy in love and I wasn't feeling that.
Well for one thing my "girl" was 40 years old and not interested in the drama. She had a career, friends
to keep up with, and other activities that were important to her. I was very high on her list but not the whole list.
So I started to push her away. It was very important to me that she leave me and not the other way
around. I was nasty (looking back) but I didn't know it at the time. I just thought she wasn't right for me and I had to run
around looking for the perfect one who was out there somewhere.
She refused flatly. This time there wasn't going to be a divorce unless I did
it myself. I didn't like that because it didn't fit with my image of myself. I was the victim! She was supposed to abandon
me and she wouldn't do it.
I am very aware of the need for peace and unity in a marriage and know first hand what an ugly thing
divorce is. Yet something in me wanted another one. It was crazy and I knew it. I prayed a lot which helped but I really needed
some way to figure out what the heck was going on inside me because I had no idea. John Lee's books did that for me and I
believe they were a gift from God.
We have now been married for nearly 20 years and some my ex-wives wonder if
they should have kept me since I've turned out better than anyone expected!
Emily's story: I'm only 12 but I had a
big problem and I found a way to solve it! My problem was at school. I am usually pretty popular with the other kids and the
teachers. Then my teacher got sick and we got a really grumpy substitute. Nobody liked her and that made her even meaner.
I couldn't stand the idea of being in her class for the rest of the year.
I talked it over with my mom. She is
into New Age stuff and she reads a lot. She said most grumpy people are not really mean but they are sensitive and have
had their feelings hurt in the past so they are defensive. Her advice was to go out of my way to be nice to the teacher. Not
be phoney just treat her as if deep down she was actually a nice person and see if that worked. Mom said people are doing
the best they can and maybe I could teach her a better way.
At first I didn't want to follow this advice. I guess I wanted revenge
for how mean she was to me and my friends. My mom pointed out this is how wars start so I decided to give it a try.
I started by sending positive thoughts
to the teacher. Whenever I noticed anything good about her I sent a positive thought about it. After a few days I noticed
she wasn't such a bad person except for grumpy. For example, she had nice colour sense in her clothes. For another, she treated
the shy kids pretty well. It was the confident ones she was not so nice to and I realized she was a bit afraid of them. Us.
Oh another thing was I was worried I
would look bad with my friends if I was nice to this teacher. My mom and I role played some ideas about how to be nicer without
looking like I was sucking up.
Actually it worked! I said a prayer in the morning that I would
be able to find a way to connect with her heart. When I talked to her I made eye contact and gave her a little smile
(not phoney!). Once I picked up something that had fallen off her desk. I even snuck a flower onto her desk but she didn't
know it was me! Am I making you sick?
I came back after class and asked for her help a few times.
She was pretty nice about it.
After a few weeks even if she was still grumpy with some kids it didn't bother me. The next year she was a full
time teacher in a different grade. I think we became friends almost. I even think she relaxed a bit and was less grumpy with
the other students. I don't think that's all because of what I did. She probably also got more confident about her teaching.
It was fun changing a grumpy adult into
one I could live with. It made me feel more confident in my future because now I know an important life skill.
Sharon's story: My whole family is given
to craziness and I'm no exception. I don't know whether it's bad genes, stinkin' thinkin' or (most likely) a combination of
the two. Alcoholism and other addictions, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, incest and abuse. It's all there in the family
The most sensible diagnosis I've received
is Borderline Personality Disorder and, believe me, that's no fun. Also, it's often said to be incurable.
Anyway, I doubt very much that I'd meet the criteria for that diagnosis
today. After a solid 20 years of work (starting about age 35) I feel happy most of the time, my relationships are good, and
each day is an improvement on the last. I have found a lot of things that helped but becoming a Christian (now I know
God loves me!) and NLP are at the top of the list and some techniques have been useful almost every day since discovering
them. Patience, tenacity, or pig stubborness -- call it what you will. Take a break when you need to but DO NOT quit.
If I can do it, so can you. Simple as that.